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Children should be the focus when going through a divorce

Many people enter into marriage believing that they’ll never divorce until something happens that changes their mind. And when children are involved, it may make you think twice about going through it.

If you’ve made the decision to go through with a divorce, it is critical to continue to spend time with your children and reassure them that they weren’t the reason for the breakup of your family. According to child development specialists, it’s critical for parents to put the children first when going through a divorce. Children fear losing their parents and a divorce may mean that they won’t have their parents around as much.

The parents that decide to stay together for the sake of their children aren’t helping the situation according to experts. The home life of the children becomes dysfunctional because the parents aren’t communicating and may spend a lot of time arguing. Experts believe that if a marriage isn’t working, it is best to divorce, but focus on a healthy divorce.

What is a healthy divorce? It’s one where the couple focuses on the children and isn’t concerned about who is “winning.” If a parent is focusing on winning, then the children become pawns or tools for manipulation. A healthy divorce is one where both parents have access to the children and there isn’t a fight about it.

There are a few things to keep in mind if you are going through a divorce:

  • Put your children’s best interest first.
  • Think about how your actions will affect your children.
  • Keep the children out of the middle of the divorce.
  • Consider counseling for the children during.
  • Continuously reassure your children that it wasn’t them that caused the divorce.

Divorce is stressful for everyone involved, but thinking about your children first and treating your soon-to-be ex with respect, will make the process a little easier.

Source:, “Focus on kids if divorce is imminent,” Rob W. Anderson, Jan. 10, 2013